


you outshined the morning sun

by amurui



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 21:37:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5642857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amurui/pseuds/amurui
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"One of the casualties of Philip’s death was the Hamiltons’ seventeen-year-old daughter Angelica—"</p>
            </blockquote>





	you outshined the morning sun

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't written in the longest time ( so my apologizes if this is really bad, honestly ) but i fell in love with angelica hamilton and her downfall after losing her brother and this kind of happened? i don't know how i feel about it but i started and it just kind of came out the way it did and..yea, it's just something i strongly wanted to post so

        It hadn't seemed real, at first. Not until her parents came home did it set off a ripple through the house, in the sort of fashion a pebble being thrown into a lake would cause. The first sound, save for the slamming of two separate doors because they still weren't sleeping in the same room, was James who, at age thirteen, understood what it meant. Understood what the hurrying of his parents had meant in regards to why all the kids had been gathered into the sitting room only hours before, the knowledge of the duel fresh on their minds and the unsavory thought that they were there because  _something_ happened.

       Her mother had gone straight to her room, skirts billowing past her children in her rush for them to not see the true appearance she tried to hide; broken and bloody was now how a mother should be seen, not by many children too young to understand the truth of what was happening. Her father moved in a much similar fashion, quickly through the throng of kids that stared wide eyed, questions on the tips of their tongues. His office door was shut quietly but firm, a grand gesture that it wasn't the time to ask questions. Only the eldest knew. Only they could understand what was settling over their household.

       Her aunt had taken baby Eliza up in her strong arms, cradling the child with bright eyes -  _recognizable eyes_  - and ushering John and William to their rooms with her, no doubt where she'd be the one to break the news to the young boys (too young to comprehend what has happened) on why their parents were stained red and where  _he_ was. Angelica caught a glimpse of her aunt looking back towards the crying James, but she made no move to be the one to comfort him. After all, someone would have to take care of the younger of the household and her mother was, without a doubt, in no shape to be that person today.

       Angelica wished she could say she went to her brother, took his hand in all of this and gave him her shoulders to lean on and gave him the strength an older sibling would. She wished she could say she had followed in her aunts footsteps, taking it as her duty to help care for the young ones and put them to bed before finding her mother and being a strength in her time of need but she couldn't. She  _couldn't_. Everything inside of her had shut off the moment she saw the red stains on her mothers blue dress, knowing full well what that and the tear streaks on her mothers usually kind face meant. 

        _Philip Hamilton challenged George Eacker to a duel_.

       The whole street had been talking about it, word of mouth traveling quick when it came down to Philip Hamilton, the quick witted child of Alexander Hamilton that so many seemed fascinated with. She had been surprised when the whispers reached her own ears, expecting them to be false. Though Angelica knew her brother was a prideful Hamilton, as she herself was, a duel seemed too far-fetched for something like him to do. But she hadn't spoken to him before it happened, didn't get to tell him to be smart and find a way out of it. After all, he was a Hamilton and words often flowed from their lips like a life force and if he had only used his mind to get out of this, they wouldn't be in this situation.

        _They_. A funny concept now that it was just  _her_. Her standing in the sitting room still, as the cries of her brother softened and no doubt ran out. Alex looked at her, reached a hand towards her, something akin to concern in his eyes and she finally snapped. Her mind, which had seemed to shut down at the realization of what was happening, sprang back alive and rebounded, her brother's voice echoing in her mind as she struggled.

       Struggled to stand against the weight that seemed to fall on her shoulders, reminding her of all the stories of Atlas, who carried the weight on his shoulders, and she briefly wondered if this is how heavy the world felt. Struggled to breathe, the air stuck in her throat no doubt like her brother's last, not an inhale nor an exhale, just air frozen in the confines of her throat where she struggled to push it out. Struggled to move as her body felt frozen in place, the sounds all around her coming loud and clear from James' soft sniffles to her mother's muffled crying from her room.

       Angelica hadn't even noticed when the struggle broke. Her mind was elsewhere, floating in an in between realm where she could hear Philip's laugh, feel his hand as he grabbed hers and pulled her towards the garden in her grandfather's yard; her body, however, broke free from its confines and she found herself running. She wasn't sure where she was going but she knew the moment she hit the road, her feet turning cold against the cobblestone beneath her toes because she hadn't had the thought to put her heels on before leaving her home.  _Her home_.

       The home she had spent all her life in, all seventeen years with Philip by her side, helping her grow and learn to read and write.  _She was small, no more than five, and sitting beside Philip on the bench with their mother beside him. Her fingers ghosted over the keys of the piano, quick and sure, playing a tune for him to play back. His smile was toothy as he played a tune of his own, similar but different still, making a laugh bubble from young Angelica's throat._

       Running, moving still. Her feet didn't hesitate even on the cold stone, her body moving as if it knew where it was going as her mind wrestled and played memories though she tried to stop them. Her skirts were dragging on the ground, her hands grasping at the dark fabric but not picking it up. Though a small part of her mind knew she was ruining the hem of the dress, it wasn't loud enough to make a difference.

         _She curled onto the bed beside him, watching as he moved the candlestick to the wooden table beside the two of them. His voice was soft and gentle in the dark, telling her that nightmares were silly things to be afraid of when him and Pops were there to protect her. But still he hadn't kicked her out of his room, hadn't forced her to go back to her own where the nightmares would come at her again and let her lay beside him, the light of the candle glowing as a reminder that he would be her light in the dark._

       It was getting darker and darker now, but she wouldn't stop. Couldn't stop. All she could hear was Philip and the reminder that he wouldn't be around anymore sank deeper into her bones, freezing her more than the cold night air was. He had been such a light in her heart, in their home, and now he was _gone_. Ripped away from what little the family even had before. He had been the one to keep her level headed, to keep the family together despite what had happened between their parents. 

       Her stopping wasn't so much as a gentle pause but a sudden collapse, falling onto the stone with a force that surely scraped up her knees but it didn't matter.  _Nothing mattered_. She realized, with a start, that she had ran her way to the park she often played at as a child. Her eyes taking in the trees that Philip dared her to climb than reprimanded her for climbing whenever she fell and managed to injure herself.

       With shaking legs, Angelica found herself standing, dusting off the skirt of her dress and moving towards the tree trunks, a grace in her footsteps she didn't think she possessed any longer. She could almost feel Philip as she got closer to the trees, hear him beside her as if he was still there.  _"Never be afraid of the dark, Angie, I'm always here."_ She knows she should go home, as they would no doubt be worrying about her, especially after all that had happened already in the day, but with the calm that overtook her mind within the park, she felt a few more minutes wouldn't hurt. So long as he was with her.


End file.
